Interviewed by Nick Gambis! He's pretty awesome. Check it out.

on being "under the influence"

I've been doing art for quite some time now. Someday I'll tell you the story, but not today. Today, a little rant. Or maybe an explanation? We'll see...

In my many years of showing my work, I've come into this situation countless times. I've been doing art markets and fleas a lot now that I live in New York City and it's something that happens in so many interactions. I have to admit that it's a little frustrating and it's kind of wearing thin...

"Whoa, I want some of what you're on..."
"Damn. Can I smoke with you? That shit's intense."
"So, you do these under the influence, right?"
...and so many variations on this...

I've gotten to the point where I just lazy-eyed smile, half chuckle/half sigh back at them.

I find so much fault in what they are saying to me. I try not to take offense. The whole implication is just so thoroughly unthought and is so much more a comment on their unexamined, untapped, unimaginative mind than anything going on with me. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not some puritanical, prude, straight-edge, whatever-word-you-want-to-throw-into-this-space person. I just want them to wake up. Wake the fuck up.

Under the influence. What a messed up notion. What a completely subjective idea. Any substance that you put into your body changes your chemistry - banana, potato, coffee, soda... Anything you're exposed to - city air, fresh air, your cat... Everything plays with your system. Everything causes chemical reactions. Beyond that --- influence --- everything around you, everything you experience --- see, hear, touch, taste, smell... Everything is in some way influencing you. You don't even know it's happening, but you're making constant, countless decisions based on your experience - or reacting to influence.

So yes, I do everything "under the influence". I'm on a constant cocktail of chemicals. I'm fucking high all the fucking time. So what the fuck is wrong with you that you're not having this much fucking fun?

I love painting. Today: backgrounds...

I've got a crazy busy summer booked for my adopt a robot series. I also have a bunch of other canvases I want to tackle, but this weekend is dedicated to my fresh, shiny stack of 150 new adopt a robot canvases. I finished all the base coats yesterday. I can't start with a white canvas - I have to make it less precious by making it a color first - this batch: wheat bread...haha...I like something neutral/bland in the tan/grey range generally. 

I started working on the backgrounds out on the terrace yesterday. Once I realized that electrical cords and walking through pooling water was a bad idea and that my flashlight just wasn't enough, I called it quits for the night. I popped up at 6:30am excited to get back to it! With some fresh eyes today, I've got a few with which I'm satisfied, a ton still in process, and a bunch I haven't even started yet. It's going to be an awesome weekend... 

It just feels good to paint. I know that some would say that just splashing water and ink around isn't painting, but there are an infinite number of decisions in the process - straight ink? add water? how much water? how should I distribute it? eyedropper? splash? pour? is that enough? more? should I let that run off or move it so it pools there? how long should I wait until I do more? until it's totally dry? until it's almost dry? should I let a new color mix in with it? what color is next? should I leave it right there like or move it so it pours and pools differently? what does it need? on and on and on with each new color... until you reach more sets of questions... is this done? does it need more blue? more red? yellow? orange? does it need a light thin wash of it or maybe something more bold? should I stop? how will it look if I keep going? is it really done? if I add more is it going to muddy it up? am I just going to muddle it up? shit. done? not done? done? hmm... I love the game. It's challenging. It's frustrating. I love what I can achieve without physically touching the canvas too - what all those little (or BIG) bits of science can do - surface tension, capillary action, evaporation, and so on... Sometimes I make what I think are incredibly beautiful backgrounds. Some are so beautiful to me that I don't even want to put an image on them - they are perfect just as they are. Other times I totally fuck them up. They look awful. I wonder and gamble with whether to keep throwing more shit at them or just stopping and hoping that the foreground image will distract or hide how awful it is. Other times there's no salvaging it. I wonder if I should just throw more base coat on and keep going or if at some point something will spark and I'll see what's going on in it to be able to fix it. It's a beautiful process. In so many ways it's so much more difficult than the actual robot part. It's also really interesting to monitor my attachment and attentiveness to it - some days I'm really focused and super critical, other days I'm just having fun and going along with whatever happens. I love it. And even when I'm super frustrated with it and it's just not working, somewhere deep beneath the grr, I'm still loving it. 

If you're not familiar with my work, my adopt a robot series, or my backgrounds, please check out my website: ezerdland

So let's just do this already...

I've been thinking the last few days about maybe starting a blog. I've had the thought a number of times in the last few years, but I'm really feeling it now. I've even thought about adding a video element to it occasionally. In some ways I think that it might help me feel more valid and more confident as an artist and as a person in general. I try to hide it, but I struggle so much with self-confidence and self-worth. Maybe exposing myself in these ways that I haven't done before will open up my mind, free me from that part of my brain and will help me overcome all those imagined little bits that cling together and rear their head as fear. Maybe opening up my brain and my artistic process will help me strengthen connections that I have and present me the opportunity to make new connections. Maybe I'll just be spewing out more nonsense into the void and sure, in as much as my life and my experiences are unique, they are also common and who knows who may be out there listening. I've spent a lifetime of listening to the static. I sent a signal out into it once and it totally changed my life. What happens if I keep pinging?

So here we go!

Why not just post this stuff on Facebook? Well, Facebook is kind of like hanging out in a bar or cafe...here is like having you over for dinner. 

It's all going to just be free flowing and (mostly) unedited in thought and grammar. It's just going to be me...my thoughts...my story... I'm just me. And now I'm welcoming you to ...ezerdspace...